T O P
TheShakyHandsMan

Moved to a little village in my mid to late teens. Only 1 pub for miles around. Made friends with the locals and used to go in regularly for a few pints until I hit my 18th birthday. Absolute battleaxe of a landlady took offence to me drinking there underage for a couple of years and barred me when she realised I had only just turned 18. Wouldn’t even let me finish my pint.


MrBiscuitOGravy

I fucked up our underage drinking spot by showing off to a girl in 6th form. Took her there one weekend, next Friday every 17 year old in our area was there. Somehow that night they let it slide but the next week they asked for ID the second we walked in. The thing is me and my mate had birthdays two days apart and had both just turned 18 that week. The barmaid, who at this point has been serving us for two years, was fuming but there was nothing they could do so they let us stay.


Indigo-Waterfall

Oh strange! Growing up in the countryside most pubs turn a blind eye to underage drinking where I am. As long as you were being civil and respectful.


AhhBisto

Not me but my brother, he was "banned" from the local butcher shop. We went in there in like April 2019 to buy some goat for a curry and they asked him to leave, one of the women behind the counter said "you know what you've done". My brother had no clue and wanted to know why. The manager and the woman took us outside and said my brother assaulted one of the girls who worked there over Christmas, she saw him enter the shop and bolted out the back and started crying to the boss to say the police had told him he wasn't allowed near her or her workplace. Only problem with that is that my brother had been living in Australia at the time and only got back to the UK 2 weeks beforehand because of the covid situation and it was his first day outside after a self imposed quarantine. He showed them the emails of his flight info and they believed him but didn't offer an actual apology, just a discount on the food. No idea if it was mistaken identity or what. The curry goat was fantastic though.


VaultDweller77

I'd rather have a discount than an apology


AhhBisto

Yeah my brother did too, goat meat is expensive


You_spilt_my_pint

Sounds like mistaken identity.


antmakka

Driving back from a work trip we stopped at a pub for food. It was quiz night so we joined in. The team that usually won wasn’t there so the team that usually came second was super confident of a win. Despite only 2 of us and other teams being 4 people, we won. The prize was a case of wine. The manager gave us a single bottle and told us to never return. Fine by us. Wine was pretty nice.


ChocLife

Oh, a local quiz for local people so.


sunrise98

Don't let them enter then if they're not entitled to the same prize


EnvironmentalSun8410

I don't get why the manager was so rude to you.


antmakka

We weren’t regular customers, I guess.


EnvironmentalSun8410

...so? It doesn't make any sense.


antmakka

IKR. I didn’t lose sleep over it.


Indigo-Waterfall

Makes no sense. Those kinds of events are to drive new customers to come to the pub. Bizarre


MrB-S

Same thing happened to me and my mates in a pub in Whitby: won the quiz and the meat raffle. Locals were apoplectic. We were advised to drink up and head for the hills.


Red0r79

Can't beat a good meat raffle on a Saturday night as that's Sunday lunch sorted. My parents won the odd mealt raffle in the working men's clubs I was taken to in the eighties. The prize was a side of beef, pork and a whole chicken which was shared between my uncles family and my grandparents. Even though like everyone else back then there was probably a joint of meat sat thawing out ready for Sunday anyway.


antmakka

Hilarious 😆


You_spilt_my_pint

''This is a local Pub quiz for local people''


BeanOnAJourney

I was four or five years old at a guess. It was the late 1980s, when The Body Shop still had their tester perfumes in glass bottles with a glass stick to apply it to your skin. It was the Plymouth branch and it was crowded, being the week before Christmas, and one of the glass sticks accidentally snagged on my arm and the whole bottle fell off the display and smashed. The manager made such a huge song and dance and berated me in front of the whole crowded shop and banned me, a literal child, for life. I was humiliated and it still upset me to think about it more than 30 years later.


Acceptable-Sentence

Doubt they recognise you now, you could probably sneak in


BeanOnAJourney

We stayed away for a few years but then decided sod it, they probably don't even remember it anymore. Been in regularly since.


CSPVI

Goodness are they still going? In the 90s I had so many body shop t-shirts and those tiny little bath pearls and lipbalms from there but I don't think I've stepped foot in one since 2000


Movingtoblighty

In 2006 it was bought by L’Óreal and then sold to another transnational company Natura, so it is definitely still going as a subsidiary chain store.


YchYFi

They are an MLM now.


sjr0754

They've had an MLM division since 1996, and the stores are still operating.


BeanOnAJourney

Oh I haven't been for a few years now but I think they're still going!


[deleted]

[удалено]


BeanOnAJourney

They were with me and I think they were as shocked and upset about the situation as I was. They defended me all they could but it fell on deaf ears.


DigitalPoet_

I got banned from *all* Comet electronics retailers because they sold me a fridge that didn’t work and when I took it back the manager asked me if I was a qualified fridge engineer. I gave him a fairly loud and NSFW lecture about the concept of cold in an effort to prove my qualifications on the matter. Enough that people started leaving. Not my proudest moment probably but I had a temper issue in my 20s. He called me two hours later and told me they would do an immediate refund provided I didn’t return to this store or any other. Of course no way to enforce really, but I agreed. They’re gone now, and I’m still here so fuck them basically.


You_spilt_my_pint

I really doubt they would have sent your description to other stores.


Dawn_Of_The_Dave

Posted this before but her it is again.... "I was banned from every J.D Wetherspoons bar in the space of one night (That’s 900ish bars). Apparently I stole a curry club poster from the toilets. The manager confronted me and demanded I return it. I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, so nowhere to hide a poster. A staff member had seen me, until I asked him why the staff member hadn't stopped me? Then the story changed to him seeing it on CCTV. I asked him if I should call the police and tell them he was filming people un-aware in the toilets. At this point it was quite clear the guy was non too bright and possibly unhinged. Anyhow he finally got pissed off and grabbed all the beers from the table and told us to leave (Sadly for my friends I was the only one who had already finished my beer) Anyway, the next time I walked into the bar the manager disappeared then came back trying to look all official and handed me a letter saying I was banned from the whole chain (I'm 100% certain he typed the letter himself on headed note paper and it carried no weight). On a side note, I love J.D Wetherspoons. I had breakfast in one this morning and it always makes me feel a little bad ass."


Indigo-Waterfall

I hope you kept the letter and framed it.


CuhJuhBruh

He Framed it next to his curry club poster


redreadyredress

Wetherspoons, for working there and leaving immediately. Got banned. Found out when I went back for a birthday party. Never stepped foot in one again.


Sleep-Agitated

I was banned from Poundland in 1997. So walkmans, either cassette or CD were huge at school everyone had one and so batteries became some what of a commodity, like people took batteries out of school clocks in classrooms etc. Realising packs of batteries cost £1 from Poundland, I used my pocket money to buy them then sell them on at school to people for their lunch money, because obvs listening to music and being "cool" was way more important than food. After a week or two I realised I could increase my profits by just not paying for batteries. It worked for a while then I got busted by a security, a firm talking to by the manager, and a letter to take away banning me from Poundlands far and wide. Fortunately the manager didn't contact the police but my once flourishing battery business failed. I still go to Poundland occasionally and I still feel like I shouldn't be there all these years later because technically think I'm still banned.


Minderbinder44

That business acumen though. What's a good way to reduce input unit costs? Negotiate a *five-finger discount* with the supplier lmao.


McCoysRibenaTwirl

thief


Sleep-Agitated

Guilty, but pleased to say I haven't acquired batteries without payment since.


Sea_Page5878

Banned from Morrisons over 10 years ago for shoplifting and got a £50 fine from the police. My method of theft was to pick up two cases of beer and simply walk out the door I had done this many times before no problems. I spent the 10 minutes waiting for police in the security room with the shop supervisor going off on a tangent and me being cheeky to them the whole time the security guard couldn't keep a straight face at me taking the piss out of the supervisor. Basically police wrote me a fine and I refused to sign any paperwork from the store and I was given a trespass notice from the shop. I let it cool down for few months then started shopping at that store again and no one remembered me.


CoolNefariousness668

‘Shopping’


Pass_the_vaseline

I am banned from all Sam Smith's pubs in the UK. I said Mr Smith was a cunt, to his face, not realising who he was.


Diplodocus114

I'm banned from a local wine-bar (that I only stepped foot in two or 3 times), the owner is best pals with my ex partner's ex girlfriend and he spread a load of lies about me. No great loss - didn't like the place much anyway.


Henrytheoneth

You're a better person than me I'd be spreading lies about the owners business


Diplodocus114

I didn't even know until one evening I was walking past (a year or more since I had been there) and liked the sound of the band playing inside so though I would go in for a listen. The owner would not even let me through the door. lol


fynnkaterin

When I was in junior high (back in the US), a friend and I were unjustly banned from the Claire's in our local mall because the manager blamed us for a mess we did not make (IIRC, a jewellery rack we were looking through where someone had already knocked a bunch of items off the pegs). This was more than 20 years ago, and to this day, my dad will see a Claire's somewhere and gleefully say, "[fynnkaterin] can't go in there." Got over here and went to Asda the first time, and there's a Claire's sign below the Asda one. Sent a photo of it to dad and he replied "don't even think about it"


bertiebastard

I got banned from a local nightclub back in the 80s for having a slight disagreement with 4 of their bouncers who called my half brother a Paki bastard. I broke two knuckles during the slight disagreement too.


Earl_grey_tea_mmmm

Your knuckles or theirs?


bertiebastard

Mine unfortunately, mid rugby season too.


Jazzy0082

Got banned from my local Woolworths in the mid 90s as a teenager, because I fell down the escalator while being a dickhead. I just stayed away for a year or so.


floydie1962

I got kicked out a shop Kwik Save in 1996. I had the audacity to ask for a basket. I was told they didn't do baskets and to get a trolley. I didn't have a coin for a trolley and they refused to give me a coin. Things escalated, I called the manager a twat and his shop a midden and was banned for life. I told him I wouldn't come into his shop again any way...strop... I went back in the next week and waved at the manager. He didn't say anything


karlware

Have an update for teaching me a new word. I'm going to use midden a lot this week.


floydie1962

I had seen it used on the that week and thought the same as you.


DrSpalanzani

My OH claims her brother got banned from a pub for beating the regulars at chess


steveinstow

Got banned from a weatherspoons for being a bit loud. It started off ok when one of the door staff asked to not be so loud, until one of our group gave him the 'no why should we?' and it mildly escalated from there.


dprophet32

Arguing with door staff always ends well


SmackedWithARuler

No it doesn’t, give over mate, you’re just a failed copper! *There was no club for the group that night. Fucking Greg and his big mouth.*


corbymatt

It's always a Greg.


Just_urgh

I was out with a few friends for lunch at a nice pub in Wimbledon, for the first time after having baby #1. I think he was about 12 weeks old (safely at home with his daddy) but I was still hormonal, exhausted and suffering from the cabin fever of caring for a newborn. The conversation flowed, the wine even more so, and as these things tend to do, we found ourselves on a roll into the evening. Husband gave me the green light to go ahead as he was fine with the baby at home, so the drinks kept on coming as we caught up, laughed, and just generally enjoyed ourselves. We kept mostly to our table but on a trip to the bar, some very tall and broad man towered over me and tried to chat me up while I was waiting to be served. I can't remember how it happened (wine + hormones = no brain) but after I rebuffed his advances, he told me he wasn't interested anyway as I was too fat! Excuuuuuse me? I turned to give him my full attention and dared him to say that again. He did... and added a few more insults that I can't remember. I saw red. I yelled that I'd just produced a brand new human being and yes, it still showed, and yes, I wasn't at my best but I wasn't there to impress HIM and he could quite honestly f**k off. But, he kept going ...! My hormones got the better of me and I punched him right in the face 😱🤯 I got dragged out of the pub, a doorman on each arm, left outside without any of my things, and told I was banned for the foreseeable future. I have never in my LIFE hit another human being but I do sort of feel this particular person kinda deserved it. I guess the moral of the story is; don't insult a person post-pregnancy who has been swimming in a combination of wine and hormones. Perhaps also a good idea to avoid the wine whilst post-pregnancy and swimming in hormones 😅 P.S I wasn't breast feeding by that point so please no judgement. P.P.S my friends brought my things outside where we happily finished up our half-drunk bottle of sauvignon blanc (waste not, want not) then got a taxi home. They've never let me forget it.


byjimini

I walked past a pub and got banned. My mate lived next to the pub, we’d been to another pub for the evening (because this one was a dive) and were going back to his. Some kids had, moments before and unbeknownst to us, been banging the windows and door after closing, trying to get in. So the manager came rushing out to confront us, got in each of our faces, and shoved a girl to the ground, as we were waiting for our mate to fish his keys out of his pocket and let us in. He made a huge song and dance about how we were banned, that the police were on their way, etc. The few nights after that the pub played music past their licensing hours just to piss my mate off. Fast forward a few years and I’d started playing on the local music scene. The town had a music festival and I was booked to play in a few venues - including this pub I’d been banned from. So I had the great experience of telling this tale to a full audience of 50~ people about what a wanker the manager was, and got paid for it too.


BritishSpunkMachine

My dad was banned from a Tesco. He had something called "dumping syndrome" thanks to a stomach issue. Well, you can probably fill in the rest. He didn't make it to the toilet cubicle in time while out shopping and made a mess. He tried to clean up. A member of staff appeared and thought my dad was some nutter, so banned him from Tesco. So, please if you work at Tesco. Have a bit of heart, eh? Don't be a dick, especially around older people who might have medical conditions—or for that matter, mental health conditions. (My dad went back there all the time because he had to, with no other shop being nearby. They had no clue. And probably didn't give a fuck even if they did.)


anon774567

As an ex tesco employee I would have guessed dumping syndrome was picking items up and dumping them elsewhere in the store. Get a lot of lazy cunts that just dump shit anywhere when they change their mind. Kids toys in the freezers, mince on the crisp aisle, potatoes next to yoghurts etc… I figured your dad got caught dumping shit one too many times and they banned him lol.


BigBeanMarketing

Yeah I got barred from a kebab shop a few years back. Went on night out, got home and ordered a kebab. Promptly fell asleep. Woke up in the morning to several missed calls from the delivery dude, and a text saying I wasn't welcome to order anymore. That seems weird to me. I'd already paid the money. It's like the "chef" took it personally that I wasn't able to sample his "cooking" and decided no more, I am not worthy.


Ramblingmanc

I imagine the issue they'd have is that you potentially delayed a delivery driver and it might have cost them money in that respect.


Alco_god

I have done this a few times but never been barred. As you say, they still got the money.


IDDWM5KITC

I’m banned by a local pound shop, because I made the paving outside nicer. Planted some trees and put a bench in. Quite a nice little corner, now. They took exception to people being able to sit down near their shop. It was 12 years ago but I still get a death stare if I ever walk past.


herringinfurs

Judging by the comments, Wetherspoons bans a lot of people, how they even keep track still


iate12muffins

Korean restaurant in Soho. Got extremely drunk with friends,I got up to run to the bogs to puke,my also rather rat-arsed friend decided he'd help me to not puke by grabbing me and putting his hand over my mouth. He misjudged where the gaps in his fingers were in relation to my mouth,causing a stream of vomit to squirt out from said gap,which ended up in the big seafood soup bowl of the poor couple sitting next to our table. Banned. Apparently,I then puked all the way down the side of the taxi,before jumping out and trying to break into a butchers in Mayfair because I thought there might be pies inside. I have no recollection of that,but my knuckles were cut up the next day from trying to punch my way through the metal grate.


PickleHarry

Me & my friends were at a local pub whilst being home from uni one summer. The landlady barred us all…for swearing! The even more ridiculous thing is that we weren’t even swearing - the only thing I can think is that we were talking about the footballer Michael Ballack and she must have thought we were saying bollocks.


GhostofCharlotte

Oh no. You said a vaguely sounding bad word. I'm sure the landlady has never recovered from your barbaric, senseless actions that day. 💁‍♀️


PickleHarry

Clearly she wanted us out for some other reason and that was just an excuse. Never heard of anyone not being able to swear in a pub before - it’s not like we were in church or something!


AncientMachine

Was this a Samuel Smith’s pub? I read that they implemented a strict no-swearing rule in their pubs, because of course making the place feel like a Victorian boarding school is bound to attract the punters


itstenchy

Samuel Smith's pubs are a real trip if you've never been in one before.


FinalBossTiger

I got banned from a GP surgery before for quite a petty reason. I was stood waiting to check in and the receptionist who was on the phone to someone very loudly blurted out the patients name, age, address plus their prescription details and the reason why they were taking it (it was anti-depressants so they had just potentially shouted out a vulnerable persons details to the entire waiting room..) Once she finished her call I politely told her that I wasn't very impressed about how she went about confirming the patients details and questioned her professionalism, as I wouldn't want it happening to myself. She went bright red and hurried me a long as quick as she could. 2 days later I got a letter through my door saying that I'm banned from the surgery as I had allegedly been physically and verbally abusive and threatening towards staff. I can only guess she got her own report in as quick as she could as she was bricking it that I would report her. I found it quite funny at the time but do wish in retrospect that I did report her, especially because following the initial incident she was willing to lie about a scenario happening in a medical setting to cover her own arse


YouProbablyBoreMe

I got chucked out of a Wetherspoons in Reading once. I was 20 odd and on my 7th snakebite & black. Was just having a conversation with those around me. Then it came - I had to have a cheeky chunder. The flower pot was right there -hey presto! Got kicked out then went to the other wetherspoons in Reading and got even more hammered.


Only_Ad_3163

I'm banned from my Tesco express. Got asked to produce i.d for a can of red bull. I'm 37. Had a long day at work and I kicked off. Looking back I probably did overreact but oh well.


pugcatpug

Me & wifey are apparently banned for life from our local Morrisons after getting into a slight disagreement over trying to buy a bottle of whisky with our shopping Have you got any ID? Why do I need ID do I look like I'm 17 without ID for both of you I can't sell you the alcohol FFS Considering I'm 40 & the wife is 34 it was laughable, then the Karen of a manger got involved & went downhill from there The bans working well been in plenty of times since 😂


daleash84

Same. Didn’t get banned but did leave a load of shopping on the conveyor belt and half bagged as they thought I was trying to sneak a bottle of wine and 4 cans in with a £90 weekly shop. Tried to explain that my partner has ID, we are both heavily tattoo’d and if they want I can walk away while she pays but having none of it. Just left the stuff there with a huge queue.


MassiveHampton

Mate had a 100 quid plus shop nearly packed away and another mate stuck a 4 pack of bud on the end, didn’t drive or have a passport so didn’t have i.d. Refused to serve them both, just walked out of Tesco leaving everything there, both well into their 30s, the one who dropped the beers on only had about 3 teeth at the time too, looked about 50, absolutely hilarious hearing about it .


TeaBoy24

Kinda. They just refused all of my IDs because they weren't British and kicked me out when had a sip of friends drink to try if it's any good.... A group of 10 adults, 9 with British ID, similar age and few years past 20. Yet this one person is totally underaged to the point that you have to kick them out when they have a sip of friends cocktail.


KRonster1971

My wife got banned from our local car wash. They broke our windscreen in front of her and denied it, sooo she demanded that they At least covered our excess , they said no . Big mistake , she refused to leave until they paid . Then the owner and workers surrounded her ..... another massive mistake . They all started shoving her so she decked the owner and started shouting . They paid up . My wife would take on King Kong if she was in the right . Oh and she has her teeth done ...... NO Anastasia. Hard as nails


drewtendo64

Banned from a Chinese takeaway next to my secondary school. Chatting with a mate while standing outside of said Chinese during lunchtime. An acquaintance (one of those blokes in their late 20s who hang around with 16 year olds) appears and says to us ‘check this out lads.’ He pulls out his mobile, calls the takeaway and asks for a delivery of ‘twenty-four chicken chow mein please.’ The owner comes out of the takeaway, tries grabbing the acquaintance’s phone. He points at the three of us in turn and says to each of us ‘you, banned!’ My friend and I tried to explain it was nothing to do with us, but he was having none of it. As a tired and hungry teenager I tried to sneak back in a few times in later months, sometimes wearing a disguise. The manager just told me to get out each time. Tldr: banned from a Chinese take away for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.


You_spilt_my_pint

Are you still banned?


drewtendo64

Unfortunately so


Moorglademover

Er, yes, a few things. Got banned from my local pub because my ex's mum and dad drank there. The 80's Got banned from every Waitrose in the country because I shoplifted a chicken. (hungry, no money) The 90's. And I was the very first person to be sent home from an island in the Atlantic. (The 80's. I kept getting pissed) This was very bad of me.


biscuitboy89

I was kicked out of a Walkabout pub for doodling on the menu whilst extremely drunk. It was a stag do and I don't normally drink so although I still hadn't had a lot to drink, I was pretty far gone. I'd been given a marker pen as we were all writing and drawing on my mate's (the stag) shirt, like you do on the last day of school. If I have a pen in my hand I just want to start doodling or drawing. I can't help it. Drew some great little characters with massive knobs on the menu (laminated btw, so could have been wiped clean with an alcoholic wipe!) and the girl from behind the bar saw me doodling and kicked me out. She tried to march me to the security guards little office on the way out so the security guards could 'talk' to me as well? I just kept on walking. Glad their shitty pub chain went bust a few months later...


YchYFi

Walkabout are still open. There is one in Cardiff and Bristol.


thermonuclearmuskrat

I'm banned from most the businesses in my town for being far too god damn sexy.


Uncle_Leo93

Are you Pat Mustard?


alan2998

Stupid sexy thermonuclearmuskrat


thermonuclearmuskrat

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all!


dondougdondoug

I hate it when that happens to me too!


GhostofCharlotte

Pics or it didn't happen


Express_Evidence_23

School had an Ofsted inspection and gave me a credit card, said nip to the local pub and whack it behind the bar. Landlady was having none of it because it had got a bit nippy and I was wearing a Nirvana hooded top, with the face logo, nothing offensive. Took hoody off, said I'd stay indoors. Still wouldn't have it. Text boss and took about a grands worth of custom to the next pub two minutes away. She's not a natural landlady...


Ramblingmanc

Initially I was imagining school staff sending one of the pupils to put a card behind the bar of a pub, hahaha.


hitchenator

I'm so so so confused by this story. Who gave you a card, you're a teacher and you're taking inspectors and other teachers to a pub to celebrate/lube them up? If you're a teacher on an inspection day, why are you wearing a hoodie? Or you're a student and skived school, if so who gave you the card? Why would a landlady refuse entry to a pub because of a hoody? That has to be a massive customer base they're missing


Express_Evidence_23

No, it was the end of the inspection. My deputy head gave me the card and an email went out to the effect of, snifters on us, thanks for work during Ofsted. Admittedly grim but I febreeze my blazer and leave it hanging up in my office, I hardly ever wear it as am always too hot but felt like a penguin suit was needed during Ofsted. Had a hoody in the car n whacked it on. The landlady has been known to bar people wearing band t-shirts, which we found out after this event. I too remain confused by her behaviour


evangeli0nV2

This! I found this post to be a baffling array of different inconsistencies, like you must have been young to be wearing a Nirvana hoodie but why on earth would a school and/or an organisation such as OFSTED give you a credit card to use? If you were still at school how did you spend £1000 the next day in a different pub? As a student where on earth did you and a few friends find that much money to drink? And £1000 is -a lot- to spend on drinks so you and friends managed to smash that much alcohol in the space of a night? \-ON TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF 'THINGS THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!- :P '


serverpimp

I've been banned (as a 30+ year old) from Tesco twice for refusing to have my receipt checked and bags searched after buying security tagged meat at the checkout the cashier was made aware of, the deal crime was actually buying shitty steak from Tesco.


SmackedWithARuler

Mate of mine shoplifted a can of Rockstar when I was in college. We got outside and he showed me it, grinning. I grabbed him by the collar, marched him back inside and made him give it back and apologise. The bloke behind the counter looked so fucking confused but the ban hammer stayed in its box that day.


VaultDweller77

Wow you're such a tool


SmackedWithARuler

Tools make things better, fix and improve things. Thanks.


VaultDweller77

Well it depends how you use them really.


SmackedWithARuler

I use them to stop an old man who has a little shop I’ve been going to since I was a kid being shoplifted from by a bloke whose dad drives a Jaguar and who was bought a BC Rich guitar because decided he wanted one. It might make me a tool but I’m not okay with a scumbag being a scumbag just because it’s apparently cool to be one.


VaultDweller77

Alright that's a different scenario than the one I pictured. I have shoplifted myself a couple times but only in huge supermarkets with millions of euros income a year.


SmackedWithARuler

Yeah, to be honest I have a Robin Hood mentality when it’s someone struggling to eat and the supermarket throws away more food than those living in poverty could possibly eat every day. It’s all about context and I suppose I could have given more of that in my original comment.


VaultDweller77

I wasn't struggling but I didn't have money to spare on everything I wanted either. It was an egotistical thing for me to do but none of these companies have bankrupted so I guess they weren't harmed too much by my shoplifting.


windol1

Give me a hammer and you'll find everything more broken than before, hell could probably do the same with a spanner.


You_spilt_my_pint

I would have sparked you out for doing that.


SmackedWithARuler

I did it for him because he was a younger bloke who didn’t need to throw his life away with a criminal record for being caught on cctv stealing a can of shit. He thought he was being a badman but in reality it was just a bit sad. Now so tell me more about how you’d have decked me, Phil Mitchell.


Alco_god

I am quite naturally loud when I speak. I have been barred twice in different pubs for it as soon as I walked in and opened my mouth. Friends I was with tried explaining to the landlord/lady but in both scenarios they were having none of it.


Administratr

I got “banned” from a pub for ordering a pizza for my kids when the pub (I called up first to ask where they serving food, and confirmed) travelled a good distances (so they could play with mates, family pub etc told me there was no food and told me to leave and never come back. 🍕


grapo2001

Sounds fair enough if they have a no external food policy


Administratr

Yeah I understood, just had hungry kids


windol1

Wait, am I understanding this correctly, you called to see if they had food, which they said yes, you got there and they then changed their mind?


Administratr

Yeah


Blade_982

The whole of my workplace was banned from a local pub after an eventful works Christmas party. I mean, I don't blame the pub. It was a *lot*.


VaultDweller77

Details, we want details


Unique_Score_5874

i got banned from my school had to change schools to one 9 miles away,my so called buddys pushed a teacher into a wooden fence knocking it over then threw a massive stone at the said teachers classroom window,they all ran away and left me standing ffs


manfromzim

I got banned from an amusement arcade in pontins when I was a kid. All I was doing was nudging the 2p machines :D


BroodLord1962

Well I hope he is no longer you friend? Because it should have been obvious to him that if he got caught and you were with him this would happen. Furthermore, if you saw him doing this you should have immediately tried to stop him, and if he would not listen then you should have left the store.


DiscombobulatedYam78

Managed to get thrown out of the from the same pub, McGinty's in Ipswich, in the space of a week, both times for innocuous reasons. First time I was alledged to have verbally abused a member of staff by saying "alright, mate?", I kid you not. Second time was during the day with the wife and kids in tow. The one other person in the beer garden complained about our two toddlers being there so we were 'asked to leave' by the landlady.


sighlok

20 years ago I got banned from my local shopping centre for life. I used to take the cheap price labels off CDs in HMV and put them on the expensive ones. Did it for ages but finally got caught. I left it a couple months for them to gmforget me then started going again. But didn't do the sticker trick anymore


TrumpQon

I got drunk and started taking the piss out of woman's face on a flyer left in the bar. Turned out it was the landlords wife. Then I got let back in eventually, got drunk again, and the landlord was walking outside and gave me a friendly wave and as he walked past a tree a twig got stuck in his glasses and pulled them off. I pointed and laughed and shouted "WANKER" so he banned me again.


Niallism

I got thrown out of the Apple store in Shibuya in Tokyo. I had a really aggressive and weird salesperson who I eventually swore at, and he used that as an excuse to throw me out. The interesting thing was that the security guard was about 100 years old and weighed about half a pound. I thought this was genius. I basically took his arm and slowly helped him to the door, fearful that a slight breeze might destroy him. Then I called customer service, explained the problem that had made me go to the store in the first place, and they sorted it out immmediately. Edit: while being thrown out of somewhere obviously means you didn’t act your best, I don’t really understand why this is being downvoted. I thought it was just an interesting story about a clever method of security.


Floppy76

Someone I know got barred after attempting to blow out a flaming sambuca and setting fire to the barmaid.


[deleted]

Was she hot?


alan2998

She was smoking hot.


SuperMorto7

Getting high. drink/smokes/fresh air. I paid for it all though.


Kelaifu

I lived in the same village for the first 35 years of my life and probably set foot in the local less than a handful of times, although some of my friends were very regular. My family was pretty large and very 'well known' so everyone local knew me in some way, usually as being the nerd who doesn't go to the local. One summer weekend I was invited to a BBQ, which was basically an all-day beer session broken up with meat and once the meat and beer supply was exhausted, we headed to the local, which was quiz night and my appearence there was litterally "kin ell, what you doin' 'ere?" which is friendly by local standards (as was pretty much anything less than punching a tooth out) and ended up with them buying me a drink. Anyway, during the quiz, due to us all being probably 12+ pints in, we were struggling to hear the questions and I thought it was hilarious to shout 'repeat!' in a french accent, which was actually a reference to our french teacher some 15 years earlier. We ALL got barred that evening, on my first real drinking session there I managed to get myself and atleast 6 other people barred.


OkBalance2879

I got banned from a church hall(& probably the church too) because my daughter threw a pea sized piece of Blu-Tak at another girl who was picking on her 🤣🤣🤣 I was devastated 😂😂😂 We were there for a kids Sign Language club


ifuggedherfirst

Got absolutely twatted back in the days when I was an absolute twat, ended up in a random pub in the middle of nowhere (genuinely it wasn't even in a village, just on a road near a train crossing between a few small villages). Apparently I was bouncing around too much on the dance floor and the landlady asked me to chill out, so I sat down for about ten seconds then got up and bolted behind the bar and through the door with a no entry sign, which lead into the landlady's family living room. Got thrown out and barred, ran around in circles whilst my mate pissed himself laughing and some of his mates freaked out because they were worried I'd get all of them barred if I didn't calm down. Eventually the guy who'd driven us there staggered out and threw up so I very sensibly decided he was too drunk to drive me home and I bolted off into the night without saying anything. Vaguely remember taking my coat off because it was wet, I guess my phone and wallet were in there because they were never seen again. I was blacked out for most of this, I came to in a muddy field on my own with absolutely no idea where I was or how I got there. Not good times.


Indigo-Waterfall

What would happen if you went into a Tesco? 🤣


sunshinelolliplops

Once banned from a pub for sneaking in without a ticket on NYE. They forgot about it eventually. I did leave for a few years though.


-KERZO-

I got banned from my local Indian convenience store when I was a kid in the 90's for letting off a stink bomb. 😂


Glittering-Dot9642

When I was about 14 a was a wicked little shit. I used to hang around with similar people and we got up to all kinds of trouble. I can’t remember exactly how I decided to rob Tesco but I did… 2 bottles of irn bru in my jacket, security caught me and chased me in the car park… the juice fell out and everyone saw me. I was obviously now banned… The big issue is I used to do my granddad shopping on a Saturday for him but now I was barred so I had to make up a lie that my friend got me barred and that I had to do his shopping in Lidl… he absolutely hated Lidl products. I think about 4 months went past until my family found out but the security guard forgave me and gave me another chance.


steveinstow

It was a girl 😃😃😃 Probably one pink gin too many.


R961ROP

Went into Kelham Island Tavern in Sheffield. There’s a sign saying “No swearing - You will be barred” on the bar. I said, “Fuck off can you be barred for that” before promptly being told I was barred. My mates had to bring me a pint and I stayed in the beer garden until we left for the next pub


You_spilt_my_pint

Are you still banned?


You_spilt_my_pint

I was banned from a Pub in Newbury that I've never even drunk in before. This was also the first time that I had even set foot in Newbury in my life. Apparently I had stolen one of there Pint glasses the last time that I dared to darken there door.


GhostofCharlotte

Everyone has stolen a pint glass at some point. I have five!