T O P
aagloworks

So basically both are being fucked with a 3rd party doing all the work. A win-win for lazy people, I'd say.


wrecktus_abdominus

Yeah, I'm not Mormon, but I am... interested


looktowindward

Maybe a business opportunity. Uber for weird sex jumping


cannaco19

Does the jumper have to change the pace of their jumping as they get closer to finishing?


wsbsecmonitor

That’s like More expensive tiers of Uber. Let’s call it Soaker^tm


CHAINSMOKERMAGIC

*SoakR


MightyShisno

Super SoakR - *Sends a bigger jumper for more mattress movement*


pekinggeese

Omg I thought it said Moron this entire time.


[deleted]

The words are interchangeable in this context anyway


minus_uu_ee

tide goes in tide goes out you can't explain that 🤷


Emotional-Thunk

Magnets, man, how do they work?


MMOsAreNotRPGs

fuck it im sold. ill give it a shot. edit: it sucks


nmezib

That was a quick edit. Two jump chump over here.


barkush1988

We call that the Trolley… you just hop on and hop off.


sparkymiddlefinger

Premature jumpulation?


AdultingGoneMild

its not the 3 way they wanted, but its the 3 way they deserved. Imagine being so dumb as to believe that an all powerful and vengeful god would be all, "looks like you got me on a technicality." Either believe in this crap or dont. This half assed shit makes no sense.


Killentyme55

Imagine if the girl got pregnant. "See God, what happened was..."


honest-miss

My favorite flavor of religion is the kind that believes gods are bureaucrats. I love the idea of folks getting into heaven exclusively on technicalities.


ManchacaForever

God: Ooh, good one, I never thought of that loophole. Well, guess you're still all set for everlasting paradise in heaven! Also, I guess you can keep abusing the same loophole, since it's been 2000 years since I had a real mouthpiece down on earth.


WinterMatt

There's a movie that's called dogma that you would probably enjoy. The premise is what you just described.


Marbled_Headcheese

I'm not a religious person but I've never heard of a deity that would see something like that and just go "well, you obeyed the literal wording of the rules so I guess I'll let it pass"


OasissisaO

Clearly, you've not looked at any of the mad workarounds in Judaism.


Bardsie

I was about to comment the same. The wires strung across the streets in New York spring to mind. As the wire is above you, you technically haven't gone outside on the Sabbath. Edit: autocorrect typo.


gahidus

Turning lights on during the Sabbath would count as starting a fire, which is work, but if you just put them on motion sensors and or timers, then that's totally fine. Similarly, if you remark that the room is perhaps a bit dark while your gentile guest is around, and they happen to turn the light on, well then that's no work you did!


zeroclicksgiven

So if I was over for a visit and was a bit peckish after turning on all those lights could I wander into the kitchen and maybe make something for us to eat?


gahidus

You might well. Suit yourself. It's been a while since anyone's eaten...


WID_Call_IT

Damn, you're good.


birthdaycakefig

Elevators in NYC hospitals are made to stop on every floor and go up and down all day so people don’t have to press buttons. Some people will stand and ask others to swipe their metro card so they can come into the station without “using” tech. At that point just give up.


sucksathangman

Hearing Mayim Bialik discuss her faith is really interesting. For her, the rules "center" her and it's why she loves Judaism. I mean, I get it. Some people need written (and unwritten I suppose) rules to follow so they know they are "good". But man, the more you read this stuff, the more you have to let go of your own understanding because at a certain point, you either follow or you're an outcast.


Mister_Lich

At what point do we admit that most humans are just deranged cultists who can’t tell reality from fantasy? Like, Jesus fuck, these people will not operate a hospital elevator because they think a spirit will get mad at them.


SpaceAgePotatoCakes

Seriously, if you have to resort to these ridiculous "loopholes" just cut the crap and admit you don't follow the rules of your religion.


bkfabrication

When I lived in Brooklyn there were at least 3 times that I was out for a walk on a summer Saturday and an ultra-orthodox person asked me to come into their home and turn on the air conditioning.


jewdai

Motionsensors are not kosher for the sabbath as far as I know. Asong as you did not intentionally put them there. However, bringing in a non Jewish neighbor in your house and say "boy it sure is dark in here" to get them to turn on the light is 100% kosher.


Fishman23

Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights.


Rrrrandle

>Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights. Sabbath mode?


Fishman23

The elevator continuously goes to each floor consecutively and opens the doors for a set amount of time.


Indian_Bob

Wait I knew the Orthodox Jews were crazy and have invented all kinds of stuff to get around the sabbath but you’re telling me they run elevators on auto mode? 😂


Enchelion

Yep. Also many appliances you buy have a Sabbath mode somewhere in the settings which will change how it works. Like a refrigerator in Sabbath mode won't turn on the light when you open the door, and an oven in Sabbath mode will be locked on, and not change lights or turn off the elements when the door opens.


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MidnightBlue1985

Oh religious people are the best at finding the weirdest loopholes so they can do what they want and still be following the letter of their religious texts.


biz_reporter

Like how Orthodox Jews have something called an eruv, which is a wire strung around their neighborhood so they can do more stuff during the Sabbath. It operates under the idea that the eruv extends the boundaries of their homes, so the Sabbath rules are just a little less strict. Makes no sense to the rest of us, but 🤷


boraca

The whole of Manhattan is surrounded by one and there's a dude earning 6 figures for checking that the entire length of it is still intact before every Shabbat.


LUV_2_BEAT_MY_MEAT

so one guy with a wire cutter sends every jew in manhattan to hell?


King-Of-Throwaways

No, because Jewish people don’t believe in hell. Checkmate, atheists.


BBBBrendan182

Where do all the naughty people go?


ratajewie

Rehab, essentially. Or more accurately a washing machine. Basically your souls gets thrown around in a cleansing process until you emerge as someone that is better than who you were on earth.


SordidDreams

If it's that easy to clean souls, WTF is the point of all the rules!?


ratajewie

Because God, idk man.


Lord_of_hosts

Congress


boraca

I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know. I saw Hasidic Jews order beef roll ups, and they had ham in it, there was some commotion when one of them discovered the ham and they had to wash their hands really long. The food was ordered by a foreign embassy, so they didn't see the menu, therefore there was no sin, but they were no longer "clean", hence the hand washing.


SordidDreams

>I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know. So then the best way to avoid sin is to destroy all the holy texts and never tell anybody what is or isn't sin, right? If they don't know, it's not a sin! I guess ignorance truly is bliss!


Patrico-8

It’s only your home if you can walk around with no pants without getting arrested.


dcblunted

This literally consumed a year of my life and the amount of non-Jews who were livid about it was shocking. The entire experience made me a worse person as it did everyone involved: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017%E2%80%9318_Bergen_County_eruv_controversy


cerebral_panic_room

Now it totally seems like the objection to the eruv had absolutely nothing to do with it being a Jewish thing. /s in case it wasn’t obvious


Sheeps

Lol. Like that phone call a town official made to a non-Jew worried she couldn’t bring her grandchild to the playground; “don’t worry, you’re not the ones we’re concerned about.”


TheThagomizer

I’ve lived around this area all my life and never knew about this, time to do some reading!


Barkblood

“Our god, who created everything from the smallest of atoms to the most complex organisms and systems and is definitely all-powerful and all-knowing, is really **dumb**. They will never see through this blatant rule-bending! Man, is this god an idiot”.


onlytoask

Orthodox jews have a bunch of workarounds for all the rules they don't want to follow. I think their excuse is that God is perfect, therefor his rules are perfect and he wouldn't have left the loophole if it wasn't okay to use it.


minus_uu_ee

Imagine you are constantly trying to trick the god you have committed yourself to.


gahidus

You'd be surprised how much of Judaism works this way...


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J0hnDvorak

["Fuck me in the ass cuz I love Jesus!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY)


Negative_Spectrum

That track brings back memories. Not good memories, I might add.


Kirkverbal

Isn't sodomy a bad thing in the bible?


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IdoNOThateNEVER

Is hypocrisy a bad thing in the bible? (I don't know) ...And if it is a bad thing.. Can't we just be hypocritical about it and just ignore it?


Mimical

Just publish your own version of the bible that has small clarifications added to it. Catholics do it all the time. Clarifications can include things like: - If Jesus can take that back door so can you. - Almost killing a child doesnt count if you yelled "You Got Punked" right at the last moment. - Going to the waterpark and leaving the unwanted there is just paying homage to the suprise plot twist of chapter deux: The Heinous Hydro Homie Homicide.


Snailpics

Sodomy is considered a sin like point blank by a lot of religions. I am in no way an expert but I am pretty sure Mormons believe that (pls feel free to correct me if I am wrong)


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Brawndo91

Hold on a minute... these kids are using caffeine!? I fear for their futures.


TrollintheMitten

I was raised Mormon. Sodomy is unacceptable, gay sex is a sin and gay people are expected to live a life of chastity with the promise that God will fix them in the next life. There are **many** gay-straight marriages with people who thought God would "fix" their sexuality if they had faith and got married to a straight person. Some people disclose their "problem" to their future spouse, most are really counting on God to fix things for them. Oral sex is specifically forbidden and although they don't talk about it anymore, they never rescinded the order. Many past church leaders, excepting the founders, only had sex for the purpose of procreation, and many never saw their wives naked **ever** because they had sex with their garments on. Sodomy, oral, and any sex outside of the bonds of marriage is considered "the sin next to murder". If you are gay and "act on it" you will be excommunicated. In comparison, rapists, pedophiles and murderers are not automatically excommunicated. My local church knew about a girl who was raped in church and they paid off her family to keep it quiet. Nothing happened to her rapist. If you got this far and are curious, r/exmormon is a welcoming place open to all.


we_are_all_bananas_2

Super kinky tbh, I've never seen this done in porn


RedicusFinch

Ill go get the camera!


Less-Distribution-22

Wait! Don’t move.


Superlite47

Yes! This is exactly how it's (not) done!


Speculater

*jumps up and down furiously*


fELLAbUSTA

*grunts*


RedicusFinch

Jesus is ok with this.


Jacks_Flaps

If not, theres always the guaranteed [Jesus approved loophole.](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY)


iedonis

Thant you for those 4 minutes and 40 seconds of laughter


Original-Flamingo-68

Still one of my favorites of all time. Puts a smile on my face no matter how shitty the day.


yiitege

mom get the camera . for... me and... my gf ... of course


ronnyFUT

College towns are truly the breeding ground of innovation


Flossthief

And the breeding ground for misinformed Mormon students


SlitScan

shame they banned abortion.


Alundra828

New porn meta incoming? I'm sick of the incest meta, just end already


RandomKneecaps

You're acting like the inevitable replacement for incest as a porn category won't be something far worse.


NavyCMan

Yup. Now it's going to be Mormon Jump Hump Incest Porn. "Stepbro stop jumping on the bed!"


_Im_Dad

I've seen this done on a trampoline. It's nice when they get a bit of air time but apart from that it's just lazy sex


NavDav

God hates this one simple trick!


ISD1982

Just don't pop out in mid air. You'll 100% not pop back in on the way down! Ouch.


JablesMcgoo

*Interstellar docking music starts playing


PoisoNFacecamO

This little maneuver is gonna cost us 51 years! *proceeds to break dick*


babybear45

*YOUR COMING IN TOO HOT!*


RepresentativeAd560

"MAAAAAVRIIIIIIIIICK!"


OrneryMood

Gives new meaning to the phrase, "Stick the landing"


KonataYumi

You are not searching hard enough


Ok_District2853

Dude Mormon porn is weird. The outfits! The les polygamy! Can't recommend enough.


idontspellcheckb46am

Excuse me? Did I just unlock a new level of the internet?


Ok_District2853

Dude. Google Mormon girlz. I’d link but…. They show the magic underwear. They have a wooden bench full of dildos they call the mercy bench. All the stuff you’re not supposed to see. It’s so kinky. It’s like a bonus taboo. Sinning in a different religion gets me hard.


ReyRey5280

Just when I think my porn eccentricities have plateaued, there’s always more on the horizon…


islandofcaucasus

My understanding of that porn is its made specifically for Mormons. Most folk would see the temple garments and think they're just ugly underwear. But the people in the church who grew up wondering what the bishop's daughter looks like under her dress would lose their mind over it.


ebagjones

Just have sex, you fucking weirdos. This is kinkier shit than most of us secular folks get up to.


HotCocoaBomb

The self-repressed are always the biggest kinkiest freaks.


ebagjones

That's a fair observation.


canadiancarlin

I’d like to point to an excellent quote by Stephen Fry > It’s the strangest thing about this church - it is obsessed with sex, absolutely obsessed. Now, they will say we, with our permissive society and rude jokes, are obsessed. No. We have a healthy attitude. We like it, it’s fun, it’s jolly; because it’s a primary impulse it can be dangerous and dark and difficult. It’s a bit like food in that respect, only even more exciting. The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that in erotic terms is the Catholic Church in a nutshell.


Aoeletta

Mormons have the *kinkiest* “not-sex”. Source? Grew up the *non* Mormon in Utah so the dudes thought I’d be down for stuff. They’d say they were *so religious* they didn’t want to have *sex* (or kiss… which… that fucked me up for a while… thanks first boyfriend!) but then they’d say the shit they wanted and I was like, “?!?!?” First of all, NO. Just because I’m not Mormon doesn’t make me sleep around and EVEN IF I was interested in sex… not… not that weird stuff dude.


Raider440

Im sorry if this comes across as weird, but as a European who has never been to the US, and much less has seen a mormon IRL, this entire post seems to intriguing, could you pleaee elaborate? Cause this is a Window into a world that I havent seem before, so I think this is „morbid“ curiosity.


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pmartin1

I dated a Mormon chick briefly in HS. The weird shit was just too much to handle and I decided it just wasn’t worth it. We stayed friends and kept in touch through college, etc. What’s ironic is that her super religious, Mormon husband, that she married right after coming back from her mission abroad, ended up sexually abusing their kids. The whole thing always seemed super cult-like to me.


Stevenstorm505

I had 2 very close friends growing up that were Mormon. Both of them were pretty normal, fun loving dudes. One of them lived with me for a while and the only Mormon thing he followed strictly was the no alcohol/caffeine/drugs thing, but other than that, he was just like any other high school kid. After we graduated and he went on his mission and came back it was like I was talking to another person. Super devout, him living with only Mormons for two years in Japan on his mission and attempting to convert the people of Japan to Mormonism, I feel really comfortable using the word indoctrinated when describing him at that point. It was very cult-like behavior and attitude. It made me and our other friends sad, because we were once really good friends and it was just like a lot of what made him who he was got taken out and replaced with something and someone else. I respect anyone’s right to pursue religion and fulfillment from it, but this just felt so much different than a lot other religions. It didn’t feel so much like my friend and I drifted, it felt like my friend just stopped existing and someone else came home.


true_gunman

Yeah I've heard the main reason for these mission trips and for things like jehova Witnesses going to door to door is not actually to spread the word of god necessarily but just part of the manipulation or brainwashing or indoctrination like you said. Becuase the more they are rejected and treated like outcasts from other people the more the cult can comfort them and make then feel like they belong with them and that they're doing something special. Especially when a huge part of the teachings is that they will be persecuted for their beliefs, so the more they are denied and rejected it can actually strengthen they're faith. Sorry to hear about your fiend though.


GreenBeans1999

I used to be Mormon and went on the mission. You're absolutely right. Some of my best friends permanently changed on their missions and it's sad. Luckily for me, mine opened my eyes to a lot of issues with the church and I decided to leave.


Jonesta29

That's because it is a cult.


psinguine

Iiiiiiim not sure if that's ironic so much as it's just absolutely terrible


pmartin1

Ironic because they’re supposed to have higher morals or whatever because of their religiousness. But yes, terrible all around. He’s lucky she moved out to Utah to be with him because there’s a whole slew of people out here that would have beat his ass for that shit.


Majestik-Eagle

I went to school with some Mormon girls who would get fucked in the ass instead of vaginally because they thought they would still be considered virgins and could still reach the celestial kingdom which is what Mormons to believe the highest level of heaven.


Cloberella

Oh, I'm from a largely Catholic area and all the Catholic girls were big into anal too. That's an oldie but goodie religious "life hack".


k_50

It's mormin time


blacksonjackson

And then I mormed everywhere


CaptainBayouBilly

This grave robber dude grifts a religion about native Americans and Jesus and said he could have a lot of wives because he was horny, then the gubment said nuh-uh, and then he got arrested, escaped, got lynched, then his non-monogamous broskie runs off to the mountains in Utah and goes all in on telling dudes you can have lots of wives and when you die you get a planet and other strange things that are well documented.


edingerc

>the gubment said nuh-uh Actually it was his wife that said that, many times. He kept on getting telegrams from "Heavenly Father" telling his wife to let him have more wives. Can't make his stuff up!


EvadesBans

Then he sent out missionaries and married their wives while they were gone and [also married numerous children](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives), two of which were 14.


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oilchangefuckup

Two Mormon students at my school met and got married in under a year. I'm sure it was to bone legally.


MindOfAProphet

Only 2? I went to a Christian college and we had a term to describe the "ring by Spring"ers. I knew many who were married before the end of Freshman year. Edit: Oh, then the girls would drop out. Legitimately went to school to husband hunt.


oilchangefuckup

Yeah, it wasn't a religious school, it was professional school, doctors dentists and such


Rubbishnamenumerouno

Ooh! Tell them about spirit babies!


Particular-Ad-8772

Oh god. What's that?


Rubbishnamenumerouno

‘Spirit Babies’ or ‘Spirit Children’ are: [Pre-born babies that are still somehow your children as they’re part of your eternal family.](https://www.quora.com/What-are-spirit-babies-in-the-Church-of-Jesus-Christ-of-Latter-day-Saints-Mormons/answer/Andrew-5393?ch=15&oid=361856083&share=43b8244e&target_type=answer) You know, the one you have when you go to the OK/best of the three heavens and/or eventually become gods yourself for being super awesome at religion. A quote from quora: >> According to what I was taught growing up LDS, supposedly we were all “born” as “spirit children in heaven” to our Heavenly Father and Mother, and our without-a-body spirits were allowed to “come down to earth” to be “given a human body” so that we could then be “tried and tested” to see if we were worthy enough during our human experience to return to our parents in heaven. If we’d been or become faithful Mormons who were married in the temple and “endured to the end” as faithful members, we would be “exalted” in heaven to the topmost level of the topmost kingdom of heaven (known as the Celestial Kingdom) where, if my husband was righteous enough/god had need/we could accept it, my husband might be granted additional wives, and we’d all be a happy family on our own planet physically and literally creating loads of “spirit babies” who would in turn be sent to the earth my husband (now a god himself) created to try and test his own spirit children and let them prove their worthiness to return to us and eventually be exalted….and so on. Not LDS but grew up with almost exclusively Mormons. Also (on topic of weird LDS shit) if memory serves, missionaries were told not to refuse acts of service and to consider every task asked of them as an opportunity to get converts. Saw a loooot of shiny, earnest 19/20-somethings get roped into packing+moving entire houses, doing huge cleaning jobs, and other types of labour intensive service jobs for essentially free. The mere promise that they could read out of the Book of Mormon after the tasks were done was enough I guess?


TrollintheMitten

All your info is correct. Just wanted to add that all those missionaries doing service are usually stoked to do it. The vast majority of their endless days are filled with knocking on doors trying to find someone to preach and give the lessons to; getting to do something actually helpful and be treated like a human is way better than they usually experience. They can do a limited amount of service hours, but any time they can spend with a non-member that might lead to a lesson is good for them. If you can, ask them to come for dinner and offer them access to the internet, a phone, or any sort of normal contact with others. They are never to be out of eyesight of their companion unless they are in the bathroom, they are often not allowed medical care, and often have their passports confiscated by church leaders if they go abroad. If you can show them compassion or any kind of care, please do.


Rubbishnamenumerouno

All my childhood friends were formerly LDS and I grew up near a place (affectionately) named ‘Mormon hill’, so I’m *very* with it. The young men and women absolutely deserve compassion. On this point we agree. Additionally: the older brothers of my childhood friends nearly **all** came back from their missions with far too many stories involving dangerous scenarios, people, and/or generally bad faith actors. You say they’re ‘stoked’ and that may very well be true. The facts are also: they’re usually aged around 19/20, they had to seek a recommendation to even go on the mission, not to mention the money spent on the missionarymall kits, they’re in a brand new part of the country or world, possibly speaking a foreign language, and are now required to sleep near to & constantly travel with a stranger that could report back any behaviour that isn’t in line with church ideals. You say tomato, I say knowingly-exploiting-indoctrinated-youth-for -future-investments-and-church-profit. Nevertheless, we both agree that the young people on their missions deserve kindness and compassion above all.


Lilpims

That. Sums it up. I don't think I want to know more. How the fuck is any of this considered legal?


Aoeletta

That’s a very very good question. They have a death grip on the state government, to start.


Lilpims

Baptize the dead?! Dafuk. With the consent of the deceased' family?


Aoeletta

Nope! :D That’s the *fun* part. They say that the dead person can accept or deny their conversion. They got into *real* hot water when they baptized Anne Frank. They claim they no longer count them in their member lists but they will not stop.


Lilpims

So many questions. Ok that is the cult funded by a scam artist who supposedly found golden commandements or something and conveniently lost them and says Eden is located in Colorado or whatever? I don't understand how it has gotten so big. How anyone can actually believe any of that stuff. Edit: they converted Anne Frank. say what now?!! That was a PR stunt , for sure. It has to be.


OverlordGtros

The "how it got so big" part is actually pretty interesting. As you're seeing, the religion started as a really banana pants crazy cult, practically indistinguishable from any other cult you'll hear about (in the broad strokes, at least). They got to the point where civilized society didn't want to deal with the shitty leaders anymore, so the ones who survived the angry mobs pretended god was calling them out west, away from any legal authority who could stop them from being as bad as they wanted to be. By the time the headquarters of the church was brought back into the US, they were widespread enough to survive as a more mainstream religion would, so they ditched the overtly culty and terrible teachings, changed things around, and prettied up their public image so people would believe it when they say they're normal. You don't get to the point where you see all the super culty and weird shit until you self-certify that you're sufficiently brainwashed to excuse it all away. Source: Grew up mormon, heard it all, read it all, ditched it all when I finally realized how nothing made sense.


GoedekeMichels

I second this. We humble folks from abroad need details!


imightgetdownvoted

What kinda weird stuff we talking here?


klavin1

holding hands


Dag-nabbitt

*Lewd*


Saith_Cassus

A friend of mine was telling me about an ex who had since left the church, but apparently when he was younger, he and his girlfriend had figured out how to do a bdsm thing where he tied her up, put ice cubes inside her, and then ignored her to play video games while she struggled. Apparently they really enjoyed it, and it wasn’t *technically* sex. I like to imagine Jesus looking down from Heaven on some teenager playing call of duty while actively ignoring his bound and gagged girlfriend packed full of ice cubes and shaking his first, going “damn! If only I’d thought of the BDSM loophole!”


ReverendDizzle

"First the poop hole loop hole and now *this*... I died for your sins, but this is some real legal eagle bullshit."


lt9946

I never knew having your boyfriend ignore you to play call of duty would be such a turn on.... Now if he were playing some final fantasy THEN it'd be some hot shit.


Saith_Cassus

> be me > bible says we can’t fuck > girlfriend is feisty anyway > I’m feisty anyway > tell GF I have a special loophole surprise for her > ropes.jpeg > she’s into it > she gets naked > I hogtie her > she is wetter than the ham slices from my lunchable > excellent.jpeg > open up one more drawer > “what’s that?” She asks > she is literally quivering with anticipation > reveal that it’s a game disk. Insert it gently into my PS4 > “That’s XCOM, baby.” > proceed to ignore her and play, because the aliens continue to make progress on the Avatar Project, and if we’re going to stop them, we’ll need to move fast


CaptainBayouBilly

That's what I'm thinking. Like, that's way more sexual than just fucking.


Anho90

But their religion 🙄/s


SpicyMuscle

Is this technically a threesome?


DirtyRoller

Check it off the bucket list.


LanguidLandscape

Just don’t touch the bucket, then it’s a sin.


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IAmBadAtInternet

My favorite part about all of this is that in order to believe this works, you have to believe that your supreme deity can be tricked like a leprechaun.


truthll_setufree

I just love that peoples natural inclinations always try to find loopholes. You cannot suppress human sexuality, especially when you have raging hormones. Lol


HotblackDesiato2003

I can’t even begin to imagine how unsexy this situation would be.


Johnny-Test-123

Unless the person jumping on the bed is naked too


K1ll1

This is why we need better sex education in the classrooms.


BikerJedi

The deep red conservative county I teach in, which has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state, still brings in an outside operator to teach abstinence only education to our students. I'll give you one guess why I have 12 year old students dropping out pregnant on a yearly basis.


Spac3dog

My one guess is it’s because their dad/uncle/brother cousin raped them. Do I get a gold star?


Groovychick1978

Sometimes, yes. But don't get it twisted. These kids are fucking. Period. Especially in rural areas. It used to be worse, and it is going to get worse again. I knew at least a half dozen girls *in my class* that didn't make it through high school. Two that didn't make it to high school.


Spac3dog

I know of a couple in my class who had kids at 14. I graduated high school in 1997.


ConstantTelevision93

I'll still never forget the girl I had a crush on in 5th grade ended up being pregnant by 9th grade. Haven't thought about that in so long. Sadface


CerebrlFlatuenz

Thats just a threesome with extra steps.


Doubleoh_11

Someone is holding the camera, so a foursome?


ChiefMammothTusk

I always felt like trying to find a loophole to the bible was more blasphemous then just commiting the sin


sheireen12

Who made the video then? Wholesome foursome?


lyx77221

Getting kinkier by the minute!


barbetto

There's a quote from Robert A. Heinlein that I think applies to religious people and shit like this: "Humans aren't rational animals: they are a rationalizing animal" Basically, no matter what people's stated beliefs or values, if they REALLY want to do something they WILL find a way to justify it to themselves, no matter how tortured or bizarre that justification may ultimately be.


Leading_Turn5636

So one question, do Mormons believe their God is all knowing? Do they not think God knows their intentions? Or are actions not judged by intentions?


ezio8133

![gif](giphy|RBeddeaQ5Xo0E)


Superlite47

So if the guy comes while "soaking" and she gets pregnant..... ....do Mor ons consider this a "virgin birth"?


Kabuto_ghost

So if putting it in the first time is ok….. stay with me…. Couldn’t you just fuck like normal, only make sure you pull all the way out on every stroke? It’s just 100 mini-soaks, shut up God! I mean bonus if your buddy still wants to jump on the bed the whole time.


DaenerysMomODragons

logic checks out.


lyx77221

In that case they get a moral abortion. Also i dont think this kind of sex is enough to get anyone off….


I_Love_58008

Keep in mind, they're Mormons. A light breeze goes through Salt Lake City and the streets run white.


MellowMikeTho

r/brandnewsentence


Stars-in-the-night

Clearly you haven't met a 16 year old boy.


biz_reporter

You'd be surprised at what would get someone off. Just saying.


fox-kalin

I was thinking the same thing. Young, super horny guy who's never actually had sex, naked girl pressed against him, no condom. What could possibly go wrong? 🤣


adanipse

You get pretty kinky when you’re repressed.


Minerva000

Isn’t there a moment when you look back and realise you have gone too far … and wasn’t that this exact moment for the couple but also the friend like seriously girl what are you doing with your tuesday


Ok-Sample6476

This Mormon....*fucks*?


lyx77221

No no this morman soaks!


PriusSoupKitchen

This is why teaching only abstinence as sex Ed is such a problem, they will still have sex, and will be less likely to use contraceptive because they are not aware of the options or do not have access.


bestrecognize218

This is just a different version of the Dutch rudder hahaha


UniqueUsername-789

Yes I’m a virgin. Yes I have 7 kids by 7 different mommas.


mbgal1977

I heard about this a while back but it’s still funny. To me it’s the penis in vagina that makes sex not the movement but what do I know about the Book of Mormon


ineedabuttrub

I'm just wondering how you get the penis in the vagina without either of them moving


mbgal1977

That’s an excellent point.


WithDisGuy

That’s what she didn’t say.


OldLadyP

Well as long as they’re not drinking coffee.


WorldlinessNo7154

Worst threesome ever for the jump humper haha


cuddlefiend

jesus's birth makes way more sense.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Crafty_Possession_52

![gif](giphy|SABpzb2ivrS0g4Hgbb|downsized) God be like...


EagleJayLee

Is there porn for this? Because I would watch something like this


lyx77221

Theres a porn for everything! You just have search hard enough and hope the FBI doesn’t flag you while you do it!


Dala1

I mean I am already flagged by searching explosives so what is the worst I can get


Toxic_Nandalas

Im not cheating she just sat on my lap


joshstonks

It's not cheating if you only put the penis inside the vagina.