By - yazan_yz_
I grew up here and I don't even really know. Online Dating is of course important and many I know found a partner online. All the offline relationships I know of were basically through friends or something shared like school, uni or a sport. You get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere, with other people around most of the time, then eventually start dating. At least from what I've seen.
That is of course pretty restricting but I don't know that's just how it seems to work here
I'm german but I also don't know how to approach women.
ich\_iel Gang ist wieder am Start!
Thank me later...
You could approach men instead if that's simpler for you... 🏳️🌈
As a lesbian, trying to approach someone of the same gender doesn't seem any easier...
As an ugly person, trying to approach anyone of any gender is hard
No kidding. I can't even approach a mirror.
Omg , i read minor instead of mirror.......
Me too 🤣
Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the ugliest of them all?
Mirror: Oh you're approaching MEEE??!!
As an old person, I've discovered the person MOST affected by my ugliness, has been me. Most of my friends (of either sex) find me more than acceptable. I'm not the sexiest person of ANY year, but I'm a lot more attractive to people then I ever thought.
„Creepy“ not ugly u know what they think /s
I've made peace with the thought that I'm gonna die alone. Can't even have cats, because allergies. :(
That's 100% not the same thing. Gay men just blink at each other and are hooking up ten seconds later
You're going for women though...
Assuming you have already filled out all the necessary underlying paperwork and it's been approved by the bundesdatingbehörde, you have permission to file a formal request to engage in the dating process with any desired individual.
With how slow Germany is with paper work I should probably start filling the forms rn so I could start dating when I am 35
didn't your parents file the forms when they knew you were coming? German parents do that so their kids can get a date when they're 30 and make more kids and start filling out the paperwork.
in the US, it's college funds, in Germany, it's paperwork
Sadly my parents told me be your own man and booked a plane ticket 6000km across the world and said go.
with no respect for local bureaucracy!
Oh well. Since you want to socialize so badly: Fill out the Zeitreisendeneinverständnisformular and send it via Fax to the Bundeszeitverwaltung in Bonn. They will prepare the Zeitmachine for you so you can go back to before your birth and fill out the correct paperwork. It should be read in about 10 years. Good luck!
should the date/time be from today or from before OPs birth?
Don't forget to include all of your U.S. tax information as well. The myth of German efficiency is alive and well when it comes to tax collection
If you are in a hurry, you can also fax the forms.
You save time if you already have your retirememt papers filled out, too.
P.S.: You're witty. You need no advice, just go with your flow, look for having a nice day / evening, whatever. "Dating" is less of a thing here, just get in contact and see where this leads to. Having a hobby helps.
I won't need retirement papers I am not planning on living a day beyond 45.
I need people to enjoy my day and I don't know anyone here yet, going to a cafe and sitting alone doesn't sound very nice.
Go do some team sports. Or club sports. Or you go to university parties, where basically everyone is new 😂
I'm not in a university rn since I am only learning the language, and the town I am in is really small and literally doesn't have anything in it I have asked locals before what I could do and they all said unanimously "nothing"
Well, yeah. But you don't have to be a student to go to their parties, usually. Erasmus usually does plenty of events. And many different faculties, offices, clubs, etc too
ah, your are learning fast...
Bundesbeziehungsanbahnungsbehörde, Abteilung 6.
Still waiting for approval. Did you lose my paperwork???
Wrong wrong wrong...
You need to get the Passierschein A38 first to be able to file a format request. You send that request easily via FAX.
FAX is too quick can I send it with a pigeon instead?
Bruh what are you talking about? The Bundesdatingbehörde is only responsible for bureaucratic infrastructure. The rest is Ländersache. OP needs to send it to their state office. The name differs for each state, so I only know the Behörde für romantische und andersartige Partnerschaften in Bavaria.
OP: Absolutely DO NOT send it to the Bundesdatingbehörde. They will rerout it to the correct office for you, but that'll take ages. And once the Bundesdatingbehörde has received your documents, you can't just send another application to the state office. It'll already have been notified electronically that you submitted an application and double applications aren't possible.
Tip #1: Don’t get dating tips on Reddit. That’s like asking a blind person how to color your drawing. Seriously ask german friends, Reddit is its own bubble.
>Seriously ask german friends
This. And if you've done that, would you come back please and tell us native German redditors?
First you need a flirting permit.
Arrive at the location 15 minutes early, because if you are on time then you are already late.
Subscribe for more tips. Via post only. We do not do online signup.
Don’t forget insurance!
And no no, 15 minutes early isn’t enough: you ask the person when they plan to arrive and then you arrive 30 minutes before said time!
Don't forget to bring all forms in triplicate. Filled out \_correctly\_, obviously. Include a return-envelope (prepaid stamps!) if you really need a copy back.
Laminiert und unterschrieben.
Oh god, I can imagine this so vividly I ‘ve practically experienced it.
I have only been here for a month and I don't know anyone here yet
Then it’s time to get to know people as friends first.
New question, how to make friends in Germany?
Grow up in Germany and know people from elementary and highschool 🤣
no kidding, I heard it's very hard to make close German friends as a foreigner, is it hard for Germans who migrate to different parts of the country as well?
I would say so, but at the same time still possible. Previous comment is right: You need to take active steps towards socialization.
Speaking as an Austrian (aka almost German) I don't think I have even one legitimate German friend after living here for 12 years. All my friends moved here from other countries too.
I’m moving to Germany next year (currently in Sweden). That’s one issue I’m thinking about especially since my job is fully remote I’ll be working from home. Figure I’ll join some language clubs as I’ve started learning German. But it’ll be tough I figure making friends. That said I’ve never had an issue going to pubs and restaurants on my own so let’s see
I recommend joining a sport club, or go to a „Volkshochschule“ and take a class in photography or guitar or cooking or ask to teach Swedish for Germans or whatever you like. Or if it’s a small town residential area visit your neighbors with a bottle of beer or red wine and introduce yourself as the new neighbor.
People will not actively come to you to make friends, but most people are nice and friendly, and some will „respond“ more when they see you don’t mind
Wow, it's that bad huh
The person you replied to has other immigrant friends. So the need for German friends wasn’t that bad. There are steps you can take - join a club for example. It’s not like in the US where you make friendly acquaintances left and right because German people are more private. But once you‘re in, it’s more tight, for lack of a better word
Would it matter that I'm not European/White? Not implying that Germans are racist but would the cultural differences be an issue?
Or should I just focus on friend groups that are already diverse instead of purely German ones
as an austrian who lived in germany for almost 10 years (and finally made it back).. I had many german friends, but most of them were born somewhere else! Look for expats like yourself, they are in the same boat.
Let's phrase it like this: you probably won't just stumble upon German friends, but if you actively try making friends, you'll get some.
Sure, if you're in the countryside, there will be groups that know each other since primary school and getting into those can be tough, if not impossible. But in bigger cities, you'll find plenty of people who also haven't lived there entire lives in the same spot and would love to have more friends.
If you're at uni, it's easy anyway, but here's some more ways (from my experience of moving around far too much): Vereine - Germans love creating clubs and joining one is a sure-fire way to find like-minded people, they exist for basically every past-time; volunteering; Bumble BFF; asking on Jodel if someone is also looking for friends and wants to meet up (sounds a bit desperate, but I've met some genuinely cool people on there).
I'm not the most outgoing person, but I've always been able to find some friends wherever I was, so you'll be fine!
If you are 30+ then yes. Not impossible though, I found new friends through a website looking for people to play boardgames with.
No. Was easy for me every time.
Just find some gaming groups, sports clubs and go from there.
The rest sorts itself out.
Cool, is it necessary to be able to speak fluent German?
Definitely not necesssary, but I think it would help alot.
Would Germans be cool and encouraging if I speak broken German? I'm not very confident and worry they might feel insulted if I butchered the language
The sad truth.
Most of my friends are (former) coworker!
Join a club - whatever your hobby is. And if you don’t got any hobbies, get a hobby.
tape an A4 sheet to your butt that reads "kick here if you want to be my friend" and go for a walk
Honestly I have a 100% success rate in just saying hi to people who look like they might be semi interesting. Every single one is now a multi year friend, and I've only stopped doing it because I'm at capacity in terms of how many friendships I can maintain at a quality level I'm happy with.
Pick a popular hobby like roller skates or skateboarding. Go to places where people do it and ask them to help you out with some basic tips. Bam. You got hobby buddies.
Hamm, a city that's like 30km away from Dortmund
Just wrote the same thing, im from Bremen
Join a sports team or something like that.
I don't even know where to find one, and I don't know german so communicating is really hard.
Learn german in a course? You instantly meet people with the same problem (and learn german).
Where do you live? Are you learning German? My German's shit but I live in Berlin so it doesn't matter.
- Are there any events posted on Meetup in your area?
That's one way to meet people, even in the smaller cities.
- Or maybe there's Vereins (clubs, e.g. for sports) that you find interesting?
- See if there's a Toastmaster's group in your area. Even if you're bad at public speaking/ hate the idea, you can try learning from the group and meeting some random people.
(I tried all sorts of random new activities I normally wouldn't do when I moved to a small town in Germany in the beginning).
- Salsa classes/ German language classes/ similar are another good way to meet people as friends. Either at the Volkshochschule or private companies (but I actually liked the VHS ones).
Ok, where do you live? And what's your ethnicity?
A good place to get to know people as a foreigner are foreign speaking Stammtische.
Like so [https://www.def-karlsruhe.de/events/event/deutsch-englischer-stammtisch-38/](https://www.def-karlsruhe.de/events/event/deutsch-englischer-stammtisch-38/)
There you can meet with people and they will happily talk with you and you can try to get to know some of them if you like
Eben better. Ask a German girl!
The advice I was given was to throw straw around the area where the woman is and simply ask her why there is straw everywhere.
I'll start carrying bags of straws with me every where I go
Do not forget to wear a mask!
And the brandpolizeilich vorgeschriebenen fire extinguisher
Otherwise they'll sound the ALAAARM, ALAAAAARM
Standing out is key.
"This may appear as a strawman argument but would you go on a date with me?"
LoL Kind of an inside joke, hardly understandable for foreigners.
Edit: and even hard to understand for natives who don't watch questionable movies. :)
You don't have to watch that film genre to be aware of "Warum liegt hier eigentlich Stroh?" - but I'm approaching 40 and that joke has been around since I was 18 or so. So I imagine younger people might have no idea or is that one so ingrained in German culture that everyone will just no it forever like "früher war mehr Lametta"?
You forgot the most important part, to wear a mask.
Don’t forget about shouting ALAAARM!
People have different comfort zones, so any general rule will still lead to fuckups. But this is the balance I've found:
* Do not approach if they're wearing headphones.
* Bar/Club/Party yes.
* Street only if they're chilling somewhere, not if they look like they're in a hurry/have places to go.
* Store: I wouldn't, unless there's a really good excuse or it's a special interest store.
* Read body language, and back off if they seem uncomfortable.
as a guy i find your last point to be the most MOST important!
guys, please back off if she is feeling uncomfortable. be kind, be nice and respectful.
I'm gonna say you're good in bars or clubs where it's normal to have conversations with strangers. But probably don't do that in stores or out in the street.
I don’t know about that, I got dates from people in store and out on the street. It just always depends on the person. Some people said that I totally made their day and some weren’t just interested. The ones that weren’t I just told them to have a nice day and that was about it. And I don’t think that’s rude either to just ask quickly and leave them alone if they aren’t interested.
And even more so if you are looking for love and there’s that one person that just catches your eyes that you would think about it the rest of the week. Just shoot your shot, it might be the person you will end up with.
Just learn to be a sympathetic and empathetic person and learn to read the room.
There's a difference between 'wanting to be left alone' and 'preferring not to be hit on with weak conversation by some rando on the street or while grocery shopping'
Yes, please don't approach random women going about their day. They have places to go and things to do and no time for that. Women aren't in the public space to meet the love of their life or the next one-night stand. Leave them alone. They don't want to talk to you or any random guy.
**Please leave them alone.**
But... That's actually how my Mom Met the First Guy who hasn't treated her Like shit in her whole Life and they've been together for 4 years now. She was Just grocery Shopping, he helped her load the Car and asked If she's interested in picking Up some Coffee later that day and Go for a walk in a Public Park or the City. Haven't Seen her Smile so much for some time when coming Home, was pretty wholesome.
I feel like that's different than just going up to someone and straight up asking them for a date on the street because they look good. Chatting a bit, seeing if the chemistry is right, that's alright imo.
I agree. He probably wanted to genuinely help and saw something in her or his initial gut feeling when seeing her got confirmed with the genuine goal to help.
Your complete random use of capitals in some words makes me think there is some coded message here, but I am too low on caffeine to try to figure it out.
I feel like that isn't even a german thing, who wants to be hit on by some random guy while waiting for the bus?
Depends on how. If he's just striking up a normal conversation and it's nice and all and then he asks if I'm interested in coffee, that would be okay. But he 100% has to accept a no, otherwise it gets super creepy and if we're on the same bus I'd get off at a different stop so he doesn't know where I live.
If it is polite I probably would
As a German I myself don't really know tbh but after living here for a while I think there are two good options: Either you know each other from somewhere. School, Uni, work, Hobby, friends etc. And just casually talk to each other and maybe something comes out of it. Or you ask girls out on the street but do it very upfront, direct, friendly and respectful and not somewhere where she can't just get out of the situation. (Your neighbor on a long train ride might be weird for example).
Because of the implication
All german norms are available here:
Impress your date by casually mentioning it, you can also start a conversation by mentioning DIN ISO 8601 and what you think about the 1:50 ratio of cone pins.
i want to give you gold but i dont have
Step 1: meet someone in primary school
Step 2: stay with them until you cave from parents‘ pressure and get married
As long as you are authentic and not aiming to achieve anything, you may talk freely to anyone. "Dating" is a matter of respectful understanding of two persons. Personally I never managed to date a woman, who seemed to be attractive and just came across. But I found nice encounters and even friendship.
I think that you better should use tinder or something like that, if you are looking for quick response. There are even places to meet for a ONS but I don't know much about this.
I’m German and I have no idea.
It depends on so many factors it might almost seem random - there’s a 50:50 chance you’ll come across as a creep.
Intuitively, I would recommend to refrain from starting conversations in public based on romantic interest unless you’re confident that you’re their type or at least somewhat conventionally handsome and well-dressed. “Be attractive, don’t be unattractive.” might be a Reddit joke, but there’s definitely some truth to it.
It's indeed rather uncommon here to hit on someone in a random everyday situation and it's usually not received well and seen as intrusive. People (yes, even "pretty girls") have shit to do and would rather not be sexualized while going about their daily lives or doing their job. How about striking up a conversation with someone based on things you might have in common or looking for actual chemistry and not just someone who is hot?
I'm not talking about hitting on someone because I have been hit on before I didn't enjoy it, but I am talking about just striking up a casual conversation, back home if I saw someone with a cool tattoo or a nice t shirt I would give them a compliment about it and have a short convo with them, if I felt like the convo wasn't stale I would ask for an instagram to keep in contact and if not then I would just wish them a good rest of their evening and walk off.
It depends on a lot of factors, city or countryside, your demeanour, the kind of person you run into, how their day has been etc. etc... But generally speaking it is still rather unusual to just start conversations with random people even without any sexual intent. There is less of a smalltalk culture here and people do indeed prefer to mind their own business unless they deliberately get themselves into a situation where social interaction is expected, like in a bar or club or by joining a sports team or other group based activity.
There was a thread regarding small talk the other day, try to find it.
I actually do that, complimenting strangers. But not with the intention to make new acquaintances. This might result in a short conversation of maybe five or six sentences and then everyone goes on with their day. Following this up with asking for contact details would be really creepy.
Yeah i would second that. I also enjoy having a pleasant quick conversation with the people I run into in my daily life, a cashier, someone that has to wait for the bus with me or a dog owner whose good boi almost made me trip over him. But these are brief exchanges meant to make the moment pleasant or brighten someones day and then everyone goes on their way, asking for contact details afterwards would be highly unusual and awkward.
Your title asked about "dating" not about general socializing.
Most (good) dating starts that way.
Are you from the UK by any chance OP? This sounds so similar to my experiences living in Britain, even with occasional Brits in Germany. I've had so many fun random conversations with strangers in public transport in the UK. They don't always have to be creepy.
The only times I've noticed Germans striking conversation with total strangers are when they're drunk, otherwise it's a sad NO (with an added Stock im Arsch for authenticity).
Reddit always gives dodgey advice when it comes to this stuff cuz its a bunch of people who live online and want people to leave them alone. I would rather enjoy it if people talked to me, and people in general actually enjoy talking to strangers more than they themselves suspect, there's social psych researches on the topic. Also the fact people are immediately attributing bad intent to you just seems more like a fault of their own than yours.
I'd personally feel bothered by any random person approaching me unless I met them in a situation where it made sense like work, some activity or event etc
Bro, im living here for 28 years still trying to figure it out.
Find a club for IRL activities. Not a pure dating site, but in the larger cities you will find some semi-dating sites that are mainly made to bring people together. For example [https://www.muenchnersingles.de](https://www.muenchnersingles.de) [https://www.frankfurtersingles.de](https://www.frankfurtersingles.de) [https://www.berlinersingles.de](https://www.berlinersingles.de) etc.. Not everybody there is available for a relationship, some literally simply use it to find friends to do certain sports etc. that you cannot do alone, or board games, or what have you. You get to chose from myriads of small groups of people where you can join for some activity, and then learn to know the others.
I'm a German girl and i wouldn't mind it at all. But I'm also someone who loves solo travelling so I'm used to people striking up conversation. From what I can tell you're very socially capable and know when things would have a creepy vibe. Because of that i would say, go for it.
But as you said, many are not used to people randomly approaching, so don't be surprised if you get some cold reactions. When my family and i were in the USA a couple of years ago we were kind of shocked when all cashiers wanted to start up a conversation and it was normal to do smalltalk with everyone, we were not used to that at all.
Wow love that you added some shit about your look, like hitting on girls while theyre trying to get groceries is cool as long as youre good looking
That's called pretty privilege. Looks matter and humans are vain. Don't get cross at the reality.
You wish. The worlds most beautiful man hitting on someone in a grocery store isle is just as weird as when anyone else does it.
>The worlds most beautiful man hitting on someone in a grocery store isle is just as weird as when anyone else does it.
Sorry to say but the world's most beautiful man will totally get away with it.
Conventionally good looking people, objectively attractive people are far more likely to get greater benefit of doubt than unattractive people. Far more likely to get hired at work, far more likely to succeed in life.
We all naturally gravitate towards external beauty, we all have weakness for good looks (it is extremely superficial to admit, but we do!)
This is not up to your personal opinion even if for some strange reason you want to keep denying this. There are scientific studies proving this bias in humans, even children if you're willing to spent a few minutes googling it.
Date a single person (who you met in school or through friends) for 6 months, but don't call it dating. Eventually, it's just decided that you're dating. The Germans just "know". Date for 7 to 10 years, then get married even if you aren't really compatible, because of sunk cost fallacy.
be over 30 when you marry and make sure its common knowledge you are doing it for "tax reasons". Proceed to have 1.3 children (Max and Emily). Secure a kindergarten spot in the first month of pregnancy (or you have failed your child's education). Complain to every teacher Max and Emily have that the children are not learning about taxes in school (" why????!!").
just from reading this i find you pretty annoying.
But Yazan is good looking and was offered a couple of modeling gigs back home
Basically, this song.
I had to scroll this far, I almost thought that I would have to be the one to post this
I knew what it was before clicking on it
I cannot recommend approaching sb on the street who is obviously doing grocery shopping or talking to friends or listening to music. Me and everyother Girl I know doesnt like that. At a bar or at the lake or at a party/festival is the better time. The best recommendation is joining some activities or sports clubs.
I as a woman would be happy and flattered to be respectfully asked out and my female friends would say the same. As long as you are not pushy, nice and respectful, everything should be fine. However, there are places that are not suitable for approaching women. Bars, clubs, restaurants and other places where you go to meet people are fine; places of communication and exchange. In buses, trains and generally in places where you would rather be left alone, I wouldn't ask out women. Good luck.
Edit: Bars and clubs are literally a very good place to meet people. I moved to a new city just recently and already met some nice people just from going to bars and approaching people. Just be yourself, be respectful and approach the matter without high expectations. You will get rejected but that's ok and shouldn't stop you from trying again.
Take classes. Cooking classes, European dance classes, salsa…? Also get involved in charities, environmental groups, politics or any kind of activism. A lot of Germans meet their partners in dance groups. or go sing in a choir, make music with other people etc…Germans are doers, they have all kinds of hobbies.
As a women I adore men who are great dancers. But it takes a lot of practice and you will need partners. The dance schools will often pair people up or they get people to move around during class.
I found friends in germany.. (lived there for 10 years)
- through work (but all friends I made there were non-germans)
- through my girlfriend (whom I found via a dating site) those never became real friends with me, though, because they were my girlfriend‘s friends first
- through „organized hobbies“ as everything is pretty organized in germany, I joined a club for creative writing and found a friend and I joined a pen-and-paper roleplaying club and found some friends there too
I think if you start talking to strangers you might end up with a hook-up, but if you are looking for more than a one-night-stand, I would advise against it. If you do it in places that are typically not for social gatherings (bars, nightclubs) you will definitely come across a little weird, but .. so what?
American living and working in Germany.
Germans just take a while to warm up. Months and years sometimes. They can be very fun and funny people, they just are not outgoing.
SO! (Everything below is absolutely non scientific and simply my personal experiences. Please take with a grain of salt and as always YMMV).
1. If you are looking for hookups, I would suggest online dating or going to "Americanized" areas like Sachsenhausen in Frankfurt. You can approach women there in bars and no one thinks its weird.
2. If you are looking for friends, you need to focus on other cultures that are just as outgoing as you are. Mainly Eastern Europeans win that prize for me. They often talk about Germans being very Trocken (dry). They are outgoing and have a similar sense of humor to me. You might want to avoid having a Russian and a Ukrainian at the same drinking table, but I find people coming to Germany are able to set aside a lot of nonsense that is going on in their home countries.
3. Of course Americans or South Americans will always get along great and they are far from home.
4. I even have some middle eastern (all male Muslims), and North African friends (all female non Muslims), that are decent friends but often not so much in the party department.
5. Although I did meet a Russian girl who was Asian, from one of the "stans", I have not met any Koreans, Chinese, or Japanese, although I see Asians everywhere.
My point is, start with the easy friends first, other cultures that are also outgoing. They will have friends who are Germans, and over time you will make German friends.
Good luck to you and enjoy your stay in Germany!
One of the best ways to start conversation with a girl in a bar or something like this is:
„EY, MÄDCHEN! Gib ma Nummer!“
Works 100%, all the time.
50% of the time works all of the time
Is there not a search option in these subreddits? every damn day….
Dating apps or social activities are the way to go. Join a club or group for something you're interested in, that's where we socialize and get to know possible dates with the same interests. If you chat up random girls at the grocery store you're only going to get to know German directness. Hard no.
I wouldn't approach people randomly on the street. Especially not in a Situation where the person can't "flee" like in public transports.
If you want to date girls just use bumble or tinder.
It is also important to know where are u from. At least for a better allgemein understanding.
One of my friends is 45 years old, reasonably pretty, lived her whole life mostly in Berlin and Hamburg, and says she has never been hit on by a random stranger ever anywhere.
Take that to mean what you will. This is Germany.
I would suggest you can talk to most people in most places as long as you do it right. "oh, I see the train is late again" is a good way to start a conversation, for example. It can be hard to get to the point where you're talking for real that could lead to give them your number or email address, but you have to start somewhere, and if it looks like they don't want to talk to you, well, just stop and wander off or look at your phone for a bit.
Approach women on the street: no.
In a bar: yes.
First you need a LZ73 Liebemach-genehmigung
Bro listen, you as a human being have the right to talk to others regardless of where they are. As long as you consider the fact that if they're getting uncomfortable during the conversation, just say sorry I bothered you and carry on.
I will tell you, these people are weird. They are shy as fuck and wild as fuck. So if you look at them they are super shy but if you find them on an app then you
get to experience their wildness.
They live a lot in their head and in their phone.
You will feel awkward at times but I think you should continue what you are doing, be sociable and open. You don’t need to fall into the sick app game.
As a German woman: Someone coming up to me, saying how pretty I am and asking for a date puts me off.
Depending on where you live it's okay to chat people up, but not that plump. If you are in the Rhine-Ruhr area, there it is quite common to start talking to people about anything and everything. In Northern Germany and Berlin people are much less into small talk.
I think I'd try to make eye contact and if that isn't completely avoided I'd start a conversation about something normal. Maybe you can ask about a recommendation for a bar or whatever. Like "Hey, you look like a person that might have a good recommendation for me. I'm new here and I'm looking for a good pizza place." and then start the conversation from there and see how it goes. When it comes to the end, ask if you could contact her again, because you're new in town and enjoyed the talk.
We are usually direct, but not about wanting to date. I'm always stunned by American movies where people just legit ask strangers whether they wanna have dinner some time. So take it easy, try to get to know a person before becoming too obvious. Unless you just wanna get laid. Then use Tinder and be honest about it.
All this being said: There are no strict unwritten rules to dating here.
For context: I'm almost twice as old as you and have been in a relationship for 14 years, married for 5. So things might have changed since I dated. So I can only tell you what would and wouldn't have worked for me personally. The other week a guy came up to me telling me he had been waiting for me, because he saw me walking along the street and thought I was really pretty and wants to go out with me and I immediately felt uneasy. I wasn't flattered at all, but felt pushed. So I personally wouldn't take that route.
It strongly depends on the region you are in. In general I would say you don't talk to someone without knowing them. Knowing someone means that you have a familiar face because they have seen you some times.
If you always go for walks in the same neighborhood people will start to recognise you. Someday you might be greeted. If they greeted you 3 or 4 times you can try to make smalltalk. After 2 or 3 times small talk you might have a real conversation and ask for contacts.
The same applies to other social spots. Maybe you take the same train as someone else, maybe you meet someone while shopping, maybe at sports.
Always wait untill you see that someone has a context where they know you from. And take a look at their body language. If someone turns away and tries to ignore you they are not interested in a conversation at that moment.
That's a good way to never meet a new person
Bar & club - Sure! On the street - nope nope nope.
The most common German dating tactic for young adults is the meeting through friends and hanging out in a group first (to test the waters) before going on a formal date. The let's-get-dinner-and-a-movie type date is not as common as in the English speaking world.
Never approach any woman in any country anywhere when she is doing daily chores like shopping, on public transport, or just walking down the street (that last one is downright scary) minding her business etc. She is not interested in getting to know anyone, she is going about her day and doing her business. Only approach women in places where they are out there for the purpose of being approached by men like pubs, parties, dating meetups etc.
Don't do it on the streets or when they are just trying to go by their business. That's at best annoying, and at worst terrifying. They just wanna get home safely or get lunch there, not get hit on by some stranger because "they're pretty".
Keep that stuff to situations where people want to meet new people generally, clubs, bars, conventions, outings.
As a native german, i too want to know how to approach a german girl
Given your flair, wouldn’t one have been assigned to you?
Well, i think if you are respectful and leave immediately when she signals that she wants to be left alone, there is nothing wrong with trying to start a conversation. However it is really not the dating norm in Germany to approach people like that in public places. You should expect to get rejected a lot and in case you plan to start with very direct flirting it could even be perceived as plain intrusive.
In very social situations like bars or night clubs it is accepted to be more open than in stores or in the streets. But even here people often sit with a group of friends and are not necessarily interested in talking to random other people.
I can only speak for myself first and partly for friends of mine who regularly tell me about experiences similar to the ones I'm having. I don't like being spoken to at all and I quickly feel threatened or at least alarmed when someone stranger speaks to me. Unfortunately, I and my female friends have regularly had negative experiences both during the day and in the evening. Guys have been sexually abusive, be it verbally, physically, or by someone who doesn't understand no and tries to persuade you to give your phone number and showers you with compliments even though you clearly expressed disinterest. Especially in public transport, bus stops, parks, but also in bars, there are regular encounters where you are spoken to, make it clear that you are not interested and usually you only get rid of the guy when you give a fake cell phone number or say that you have a boyfriend It doesn't matter if that's true or not. It would certainly be different if there weren't so many males in our society who are abusive and treat women like their personal sex objects, but unfortunately strangers primarily pose a perceived potential threat. I hear the same sentiment pretty much everywhere I go . No matter whether at the university in conversations with other women, at work or with friends. So it doesn't seem to be the exception. I hope it helps you further to understand this. And unfortunately it doesn't help to say that you don't mean anything bad or something, because that's what some do who act the opposite way. However, if you do decide to talk to someone, maybe make sure that you give her physical distance, don't block a door/entrance, or it's more secluded and she's alone. Be respectful, listen and accept a no, and don't overdo it with compliments. Oh yes, being reduced to the body, be it through looks or compliments that only aim at that, doesn't necessarily come that well either. At least from my point of view and that of my female environment. Good luck! :)
No, if you're good looking you are allowed/forgiven a lot more than if you're just average or even ugly. Including randomly approaching people, especially of the opposite sex.
I am a woman and to me, it's actually irritating and unpleasant when a guy approaches me on the streets/outside of evening activities. Maybe that's just me, but it's not a flirty setting to me.
Grown Up German here! But non white. If there is one thing, there definitely is the sensation of “crossing boundaries” if you just approach someone at broad daylight on the street , in the bus or grocery store.
BUT Germany is a HEAVY drinking country. So any bar, I belief is a halfway safe space for you to try approach people. And even if Germans don’t want to admit it, many are still keen and attracted to people who look “familiar” so Caucasian. And even if not, as long as you look kind, and the atmosphere is there. Give it a shot. But don’t do it just randomly in a cafe or so. Germans aren’t open like that. IMO. And I find it difficult myself to approach people, because I hate any environment which NEEDS to be soften out with alcohol. Just… sad
Well I would do 2 things:
1. Join groups, clubs, activities, lessons, anything that could interest me, which will easily allow me to socialize with strangers having a common base for discussion. With small effort and basic social skills, I could start getting to know people, possibly build a circle of friends, and in the future even a girlfriend.
2. I wouldn't stop myself from trying dating apps after sharpening my social skills, if I was not successful with my previous efforts.
Where can I find social groups? My interests are pretty basic like anime, gaming, gym nothing specific really.
In Germany i think we musst got for that a DIN-Norm
Like DIN5008 but for Private Korrespondenz
Get an accordion and serenade them with the polka first.
Join social activies like clubs, Meetup, courses and classes and meet people through that.
Find a meetup group or activity, make friends, ask them
Best advice I can give (in general) is to be honest.
I'd say bar is fine, street is rather unusual but if you feel confident and just want to try, just go for it. It really shouldn't matter what people will tell you here, as long as you act like a reasonable human being I think you're good. If they are intrested i don't think it will matter to much wether it's on the streets or in a bar. Germans aren't the most approchable people out there so don't get disencuraged if you get shot down some times ^^
Germans are like a "coconut" hard at the beginning but then they become friendly, if you're from a more "peach" culture (like the amis) this could be a shock for you.
Just approaching a person is not that usual. Most of the people go out to have fun with THEIR friends, not a random from a bar.
Learn german, it's always useful. And if you want to have an interesting conversation you have to have an interesting life or be informed about what's going on. You don't want to be that immigrant who doesn't know anything about the country or current situation because "I don't know german so I don't listen the radio or read the paper"
Don't be a freagging asshole and be aware of the cultural differences, specially if you're not from a "western" country.
Some people are really into some culture, so you can always play this card. For example if yore Latin and go to a Latin bar it's more likely to find a person who's interested in Latinos than somewhere else.
As a german, I would say it very much depends on the area. If you are in a big city in the western or eastern parts of germany, there is no problem talking to strangers and its not considered weired. In some parts of southern germany, for example in Stuttgart it can be a bit frustrating if you try to chat up people in public. People there tend to be a bit less open minded. But to be honest, in the end its like everywhere in the world: If you are good lookin, charming and approach a girl nicely, you will not have any problems at all. Especially not in you age and at nighttime in a bar.
The most important part is the mating dance. You **do** know the mating dance, right? And don't forget to wear a large pretzel on your head.
It’s very easy. Don’t.
of course you can just walk up to someone and talk to them. Seems confident which is always good. Also taking your life in your own hands, keep that up!! Just be nice like you would be with anybody, maybe tell them to call you and give your number instead of asking them to give you theirs and dont get too close to anybody respect their personal space unless they invite you to
I feel like it depends on the social setting. I ( I’m 23 /female) actually like being approached in a bar, café, club or if I’m sitting in a park with friends. I think it would be a bit strange in a store bc I usually have places to be and am not the most social there. The worst that can happen is that they reject you but at least you’ve tried
Social places like bars and clubs seem like a good place to talk to people but I'd avoid talking to women or people in general who just try to go about their business in the street or while shopping.
just play shirtless basketball
It's not really common here, but if you're careful it's fine imo: Eye contact, smile, if they give you a genuine smile back, start a light conversation. If she doesn't seem overly enthusiastic about talking to you, just proactively f off. In more social places like bars it's fine to be more bold (within reason, with common sense, without being a creep, etc).
Honestly, the safest bet is to go to a bar or club and approach groups of people that might "adopt" you in. If party life is not for you, join any activity with groups. From there on they can tell you what's what and how, since it also really depends on where you are in Germany. In north germany for example, peopl are just confused when you do small talk.
Whatever you do: Do NOT approach us on the street. There’s just too much catcalling for us to be open-minded in that situation. As many have said, most couples meet through work, friends or a shared hobby. Sometimes also bars.
The biggest difference i can see in lots of stories from reddit, that Americans are dating many people at the same time, sleep with different people and then decide - which is just weird to me.
In germany, you usually just meet friends, noticed over time that there is a spark, go out with that one person 1 on 1 and if you dont stop going out, you are a couple now.
And there is no "what are we now" talk or "we arent official yet, so i can sleep around".
Im speaking for NRW, im pretty sure its different in Berlin because they do everything worse
Look, I won't pretend to be a dating expert.but never approach a woman on the street. She's likely got places to be.
You can approach people in social settings like bars, try datingapps or - best case - after you got to know them in a friendly way.
But if someone's just going about their business, you should probably leave her be.
It depends a lot on which area you are. Remember that Germany isn't so much a country as a collection of regions which until 150 years ago couldn't even agree on anything.
In general, Germans are a bit more distanced and less talkative than, say, Italians. Approaching someone is always ok if you do it respectfully. You'll have to understand that girls will often not clearly say "not interested, go away" but be more vague or just offer a short reply to whatever you said and then turn away. Unlike other cultures, that usually doesn't mean "try harder", it actually does mean "buzz off".
What is common is to approach with a token purpose, such as inviting someone for a drink, asking about directions or talking about whatever is going on in the location you're at. Just saying "hi, I'd like to meet you" can lead to some awkwardness.
What's also extremely common in Germany is to meet other people through shared interests. There's clubs for everything in Germany - from rabbit breeding to sports, chess, sewing, book clubs, movie clubs - no matter what your interests are, you'll likely find a club about it.
Note that I'm older than 20 and what I've said might not be entirely true with current, say, 18-25 year olds.